Nurture, Caring, Affectionate, Loving ….Unconditionally Loving…the most striking person which comes to the mind is Mother!
And the obvious valid question arises why not a Father??? Probably it would but for few!
A happy relationship, partnership and harmony between parents form the sheet anchor of healthy upbringing of the child.
Probably the reason sadly is, despite increasing awareness of parenting issues and sharing tips and tricks, an increasing tendency towards viewing parenthood in maternal terms only.
For the child the quantum of time matters!!!
It starts with all children getting more attached to mother; needs milk, love and care, with fathers busy at work with less time at hand. On top of it every mother feeling that hubby won’t be able to cope with the amount of tender, loving care baby needs (having forgotten how he showered it on her once), her attempts to handle more and more of chores pertaining to the baby herself & Viola! Father actually believes that this is the right mix – quality time (in minutes) and just to be around to provide the (? needed) moral support and a few gems of his wisdom about bringing up a child.
Also the fact that most parenting classes are aimed at mothers overlooking fathers, contributes to the notion – parenthood and motherhood are synonyms.
As a result, most fathers of today keep postponing spending time with their little ones under the pretext they would spend ‘Quality time’ – go on a holiday; go for a picnic and have REAL fun. What they don’t realize is that child needs it THEN and not whenever! Even in Double Income families, mothers spend more time with the child. Not many fathers, of course realize/accept this.
For the child the quantum of time matters more than the ambience they spend it in.
And why should fathers, mother children?
Father is a vital factor in the family, so ideally should be a vital factor in baby’s development as well.
Fathers should find time to get involved in bringing up children and not merely to provide the funds and an occasional hug or pat!
Research has shown that young children who spend decent time with their father are better learners, have higher self-esteem than others who only get the so-called Quality Time from their dads.
A study published in Britain shows that “a father’s presence and involvement benefits the child”. It goes on to add, “Kids definitely benefit from having father around and more so if he caring and supportive”.
Father joining in childcare has its own advantages. Firstly, it lightens the pressure on the mother; in a nuclear family it may also provide badly needed companionship. Secondly, child gets love from both and grows up without any kind of sexist bias.
It provides balance as men and women complement each other; example: men teach children to be fearless, while women teach them about the dangers and to be concerned. Man might encourage a child to go to the top of the tree, while the women would warn them to be careful not to fall off. If done well, this would not be confusing but a good lesson.
It adds up to the security and development of the child. With fathers becoming involved with their kids; children are likely to seek more comfort from them.
It is noted that fathers are young children’s preferred playmates, not just for boys but for girls as well.
- Authoritarian Father: Father should not try to assert himself ruthlessly over wife and the child; it is likely to prove counterproductive. It may make the child either inhibited or rebellious.
- Disciplinarian Father: Children struggle with his strict rules, talks less and refrains from public display of affection. It pays well to show once is a while your soft center!
- Weak Father: A father, who is far too shy and submissive causes anxiety, insecurity and several adjustment and behavioral problems in the child.
- Stoneage Dad: A strict no-no in this 21st Century who hasn’t learnt how to use the internet!!!
Any man can be a father but it takes a special person to be a dad!